I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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