Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
