We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
