We won't sleep together?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
