i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
