I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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