oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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