I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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