dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
