And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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