There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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