I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
