I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
