Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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