but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
