i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
