the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
