I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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