At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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