she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
