it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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