i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Of course I have a pirate flag
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
