last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
