Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
