He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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