she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
