He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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