She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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