I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
