There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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