I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
