I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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