just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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