Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
