Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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