I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
