Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
