I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
