So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
