hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize