I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize