I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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