Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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