lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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