someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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