the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
