I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
