He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Two words: blizzard sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
