i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
