apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
