did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
