If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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