i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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