Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
