Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
