For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
