and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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