I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
